Yesterday I read a post in a group for coaches and coaching skills.
A new coach shared of how awful the coaching session was that she just did.
She was trying to get her client to the desired outcome, but her client kept on talking about technical difficulties of her job and how stressful her job was.
The coach provided the client with feedback on this, and yet the client was still unable to talk about a desired outcome.
The new coach asked if experiences like this are normal, because she almost felt like giving up.
The comments she got on this post ranged from "She's not ready for coaching" to "Sometimes your client just needs to vent" to "Yes, this is normal".
While all these comments are well intentioned, they are also wrong.
The fact is, she is more than likely ready for coaching.
The client is just doing her problem right in front of the coach.
And that's GREAT news!
It's the best place to start.
The new coach was just so desperate to lead her client to the outcome and solution, that she wasn't able to pace her client first.
Now, pacing does not mean letting the client vent.
It means following her client's energy of where she is (in this case, in the problem state)
Venting is a waste of time and there is a much better way to getting your client to feel heard (because that's usually why they want to vent in the first place).
Here's a little known secret that no-one tells you about in the coaching industry: The solution to the problem is (most of the time) hidden inside of the STRUCTURE of the problem.
So instead of letting the client vent, the new coach could have spent some time exploring HOW the client was creating their problem.
That way, she could have gained the relevant awareness to be able to step OUTSIDE of that problem way of thinking, quality control it...and that would have meant she was ready to move to the desired state.
It's a much better use of their time together.
If your client is still stuck in the present state and completely hypnotized into it, there is no way you're going to get them to the outcome.
Even if you do (after a lot of hard work), the desired outcome is usually incredibly limited because they never out-framed their old way of thinking.
The desired outcome comes from problem thinking.
That's a great way to install coping mechanisms.
Something that the client may actually be happy about, because it feels like a relief. And it allows them to escape their feelings.
However, it robs your client from a true transformation.
Bottom line is that you need to spend some time in the structure problem so you can find what's holding your client back and help them move beyond their problematic thinking...and THEN lead them to the outcome.
It'll flow so much easier that way.
And whilst those kinds of awful conversations are the norm for most coaches who have gone through traditional coach trainings....it's NOT NORMAL.
Nor do I feel it is acceptable.
And it's nor her fault that she got stuck.
It's the flawed principle that coaches don't focus on problems or the past and have to focus on outcomes and solutions.
She was set up to fail.
And that's not ok.
I teach coaches, aspiring coaches, and change makers a streamlined system to consistently get transformational client results.
In the process, you'll know what information you have and what information is missing in 1 clear overview...
You discover how to dance with the energy of your client...
...so you don't have to experience these kinds of awful conversations.
If you're a coach, aspiring coach or change maker and you would like to get consistent and rock-solid results, so you can charge a healthy fee and build a freedom-based lifestyle...then book your free call.
