Narrow vs Tranformational Results

[The Difference Between A Narrow Outcome And A Transformational Outcome]

Today we had a fantastic training session and something came up that I wanted to share with you, because it will make the difference between getting a very narrow results or a life-changing one that affects all areas of life.

Today's client (H) wanted to feel as comfortable confronting her client as she does supporting them. In situations where the coachee is more vulnerable (ie crying and feeling emotional) H and notices that there is an opportunity to confront, she shies away from it.

So what is driving this?

A couple of beliefs the coach uncovered, were "I'm going to hurt them" and "They'll not be able to handle this" and "This is going to ruin my reputation, because they won't be happy and will tell others".

We didn't quite uncover what her beliefs are about someone crying and being emotional that makes them unable to handle being confronted.

But it did give H the insight that NOT confronting her client is what breaks down her reputation, because she won't be able to get great results. This loosened things ups for her to move over to the desired state.

Now, at this point, "feeling comfortable with confrontation" is no longer the real outcome. It becomes more than that.

Only, the coach did not explore this.

In part because we were running out of time.

Now, you might recognize this for yourself as well. The moment you feel you are running out of time, you start taking short cuts and working towards an action plan...just to have your client "walk away with something".

But this way you aren't actually helping your client get the biggest, best outcome possible.

Here's what the coach did:She asked the client, now that she had the awareness that she was hurting her reputation by not confronting (reframe), if she was going to confront a client next time.

The answer was yes.

Then the coach asked a few follow up questions to get her client to take action in the upcoming coaching session.

Sounds like a great outcome, right?

Not as great as you might think.

Or as your client might think!

So much more would have been possible in that time.

I advised the coach to do some detection and analysis first.

What this means, is that she helps her client look for thinking patterns that are keeping her from feeling comfortable (nervous) when the need for confrontation arises.

A few examples are:

• Either-or thinking (either she is supportive or she confronts)

• Predicting the future (1 client possibly not being happy will ruin her reputation)

• The above also includes making it pervasive (is about her whole reputation, rather than just this moment

• Over-responsibility (for the other person's feeling)

• Troubling relationship with someone showing emotions (crying)

The last two, in particular, are "thinking distortions" that have a high likelihood of showing up in other areas of H's life.

If she feels overly responsibly for other people's feelings, then this is going to affect how she shows up in her marriage, with her children, how she does business, in friendships and family.

This process of D&A usually takes 3-5 minutes, if that.

And it is 100% worth taking that time.

Because now you can show her how this kind of thinking affects her entire life. And when you then CLEAR that thinking, she can go through a life-changing experience.

Now the outcome is far bigger than what she initially brought to the table.

Most life-coaches are taught that they are supposed to end a session with an action step or some kind of outcome.

They also learn that a simple reframe is enough.

It isn't. Not if you want transformational results.

Here's the process I teach my clients to get rock-solid results, every single time:

1. Uncover the STRUCTURE of the problem (including the core beliefs, somatic experience of the problem, images and sounds, etc)

2. Detection and analysis of distorted thinking and mapping out of the problem

3. Identify desired state and desired behavior (after out-framing old beliefs)

4. Grabbing hold of change power (by testing which patterns are keeping the client stuck) --> Now you know WHAT to change

5. Building enough motivational energy for your client to COMMIT to the change

6. Doing the change work and creating an action plan to solidifying change on a neurological level

If you are interested in getting rock-solid client results and being able to charge a healthy fee early on in the game, simply click here to reply to this email.

We'll have a quick chat to see if my program is a good fit for you and the results you want to get for your clients. If so, we can get you started the same day!

With love and light,

Femke
The Coach Mentor